


Winning is Everything

by wasabi_girl1



Category: Futurama, The Simpsons
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-15
Updated: 2010-06-15
Packaged: 2017-10-10 03:11:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasabi_girl1/pseuds/wasabi_girl1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The characters from the Simpsons and Futurama square off against each other on a game show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Invitations

Winning is Everything

Chapter 1: The Invitations

(At 742 Evergreen Terrace)

Marge: Homer, kids, I have the mail!

Bart: Oh mom, mail is so 1990's! E-mail is the wave of the future!

Marge: Here's one for you, Bart.

Bart: Alright, gimme!

(Bart grabs mail from Marge)

Marge: Here's your issue of "Reading Digest", Lisa.

Lisa: Wow! This month's special is on the mating habits of the Komodo Dragon!

(Lisa takes magazine from Marge)

Marge: There's even one for Maggie! Here's this month's issue of "Pacifiers Illustrated"!

Maggie: suck suck

(Maggie takes magazine, rolls it up and starts sucking on it)

Homer: Aww, there's never anything for me!

Marge: Here's one for you, Homie.

Homer: Woo-hoo!

(Homer quickly tears open the letter)

Bart: What does it say, Home-boy?

Homer: Family, this is the happiest day of our lives. The Simpsons have been invited to be on a TV gameshow!

(At Planet Express Headquarters)

Professor Farnsworth: Good news everyone, we've been invited to a TV gameshow!

Fry: Really? How many people get to go?

Farnsworth: Bad news everyone, only five of us can go!

Leela: Well, I don't really want to go, Professor, let the others go.

Dr. Zoidberg: Ooh, ooh, pick me! My crab bretheren will get to see me shine in my 15 minutes of fame! Please pick me!

Farnsworth: Well, since the letter was mailed to me, I will choose who goes. Bender, your quick wit will be needed to win.

Bender: Damn right!

Farnsworth: Fry, your extensive knowledge of pop culture due to hours of watching TV will also be needed.

Fry: (confused) Pop culture?

Farnsworth: Amy, I pick you, because I would rather have you there than here.

Amy: Guh?

Farnsworth: And Leela, as captain, you must lead this rag-tag team of numskulls.

Leela: But, I already said, I don't want to go!

Farnsworth: Leela... don't force me to throw you into my secret alligator dungeon!

Leela: sigh Fine, I'll go, but on one condition. You have to let me pick the last person on our team.

Farnsworth: Alright then, I guess I'll have to find someone else to throw into my alligator dungeon.

Hermes: Well, I can't go, the boys at the office are holding a limbo contest that day, and I can't miss that, mon!

Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, pick me, great Leela! Pretty please with anchovies on top!

(Leela looks around the room)

Leela: I pick... Nibbler!

(Nibbler runs up to Leela and hugs her)

Everyone: Aww, he's so cute!

(Everyone excepts Dr. Zoidberg crowds around Nibbler and pet him)

Dr. Zoidberg: Wait, Zoidberg can be cute too!

* * *


	2. First Impressions

Winning is Everything

Chapter 2: First Impressions

(At Krustyloo studios, studio #3)

Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such gameshows as "Catch That Hobo" and "Who Wants To Eat A Billionaire?"!

Zapp Brannigan: And I'm Zapp Brannigan, you may remember me from the many escapades with the lovely Leela!

Troy: Today we are here with two teams, who will be pitted against each other and compete for all they're worth!

Zapp: Now let's meet the two teams, and teach them the rules to...

Audience: "Winning is Everything"!

(Audience applauds)

Troy: Our first team is the Simpson family, who lives right here in Springfield!

(Simpsons come out and sit at their table, as audience applauds)

Troy: Welcome to the show "Winning is Everything"!

Homer: Damn right it is!

Troy: So, Simpsons, let's learn a little bit about you.

Bart: Just bring out the other team so we can kick their butts!

Marge: Bart! Don't be rude on television!

Troy: Ha ha ha! Fabulous, Team Simpson. Now bring out the next team!

Zapp: The second team has come to us all the way from the 30th century! It's Team Planet Express!

(Fry, Bender, Amy, Leela and Nibbler come out and sit at their table, as audience applauds)

Zapp: Well, if it isn't the luscious Leela!

Leela: Oh great, Zapp Brannigan! I thought things couldn't get worse.

Lisa: How can they be from the 30th century yet be here right now?

Leela: Simple, this isn't actually us, it's like virtual reality. We control what we say and do, but it's just a physical simulation of us.

Marge: Amazing!

Bart: Does that mean you're like holograms or something?

Fry: Umm... I dunno...

Bart: Lemme check!

(Bart walks up to Fry and kicks him)

Fry: Ow!

Bart: I guess you're not holograms, heh heh.

Bender: Hey, don't hurt my buddy, kid, or you'll pay!

Bart: Hey, cool, a robot! Say something else.

Bender: Bite me.

Bart: Cool, I can't wait for the 30th century!

Marge: Stay away from that robot, Bart. You don't know what diseases there are in the 30th century!

Amy: Hey, we don't have diseases!

Homer: Then explain the one-eyed freak!

Lisa: Dad! Don't make fun of people's disabilities!

Leela: For your information, I'm a cyclops!

Zapp: The sexiest cyclops around!

Leela: Shut up, Zapp.

Amy: And anyways, what's with you guys having such weird hair?

Bart: Well, what's with that weird thing?

(Bart points at Nibbler)

Leela: Hey! Take that back! Nibbler isn't weird!

Bart: snicker Nibbler? Do people get cornier in the 30th century or is it just you guys?

(Nibbler runs up to Bart and starts eating his shoes)

Bart: AHH! Get this thing off of me!

(Team Planet Express starts laughing)

Fry: You show him Nibbler!

(Maggie walks up to Nibbler, who is eating Bart's shoelace, seeing Maggie, Nibbler stops eating)

Maggie: -suck suck-

(Maggie takes out her pacifier and sticks it in Nibbler's mouth)

Lisa: Um, Maggie, you might not want to suck on that after Nibbler has.

Troy: Ha ha ha! Aren't these teams just great? After this commercial break, we'll get the game started.

Zapp: Who do you think will win, Team Simpson, or Team Planet Express? Find out when we come back to...

Audience: "Winning is Everything"!

* * *


	3. Elimination

Winning is Everything

Chapter 3: Elimination

(At Krustyloo studios, studio #3)

Troy: We're back here at "Winning is Everything" with our two teams for today.

Zapp: Team Simpson and Team Planet Express are just about to learn the rules and square off against each other.

Troy: Now, teams, this is how the game goes. We will ask each member of each team questions. If you get a question wrong, you are kicked off the team, and we will continue to eliminate people until each team has only one member. These two people will be asked more questions, and when one of the two people gets a question wrong, the other person has a chance to win if they get the next question right.

Zapp: Before we start, each team will have time to talk over any sort of strategies that will be needed. After the strategy session is over, we will start the game. Okay, teams, you have 30 seconds to talk this over.

Good luck!

(The two teams huddle)

(At Team Simpson)

Homer: Okay, Marge, kids, remember one thing when we're up there: winning is everything!

Marge: Homer! Don't put so much pressure on the kids! It's okay if we lose.

Homer: But Marge, if we lose, we'll be known as losers on national television!

Lisa: Umm... shouldn't we use this time to think up strategies?

Homer: You're right! Ok, kids, if you are asked a question that you don't know the answer to, then the answer is "Aliens"!

Bart: I'm not quite sure you're right about that, Homer.

Homer: You want to win don't you boy?

Bart: Not really.

Homer: (angrily shaking fist) Right?

Bart: -gulp- yup! Heh heh...

(At Team Planet Express)

Leela: Ok guys, there's not much we need to talk about, those 20th century people are so dumb they probably think that the earth is the center of the universe!

Fry: You mean it isn't?

Amy: Fry, we all know that the I'm the center of the universe!

Bender: Let's just go kick their butts and go home millionaires.

Leela: Alright, is everyone ready to represent the year 3000?

Bender, Fry, Amy: Yeah!

Leela: Ok, let's go!

(Both teams sit down at their tables)

Troy: Ok, the first question is for Team Simpson. We'll start with

Maggie down there.

(Troy walks over to Maggie)

Troy: Now, Maggie, here's a real easy one. What is the capital of North Dakota?

Maggie: -suck suck-

Troy: Um... Zapp? Can we accept that?

Zapp: Try to get a clearer answer.

Troy: Um... Maggie, you're going to have to speak up.

Maggie: -suck suck-

(Maggie takes out pacifier and sticks it in Troy's mouth)

Troy: (muffled) I'm sorry, we can't accept that answer. You're off the team.

(Maggie takes her pacifier and sadly walks away)

Lisa: It's okay, Maggie.

Zapp: Well, now we're on to Team Planet Express. This question is for Nibbler.

(Zapp walks over to Nibbler)

Zapp: Nibbler, who was the second president of Mars?

(Nibbler starts eating Zapp's shoe)

Zapp: I'm sorry, but I don't think we can accept that answer. You're off the team.

(Nibbler jumps up and starts clawing at Zapp's face)

Zapp: Help! Get it off!

(Security rips Nibbler off Zapp's head)

(Nibbler sadly walks away)

Leela: Aww, it's okay Nibbler!

(Rest of Team Planet Express crowds around Nibbler and pet him)

Amy: You did the best you could...

(At Planet Express Lounge)

Zoidberg: (watching the show on television) I knew the answer to that question! And I can be cute! You should have picked me!

(Back to "Winning is Everything")

Zapp: Alright, each team has four people left on their team.

Troy: Our next question is for Bart on Team Simpson.

(Troy walks over to Bart)

Troy: Bart, here's your question: A man had fifty apples, and thirty-two were stolen...

Bart: I didn't do it!

Troy: No, Bart. This is a hypothetical question.

Bart: Hypo... wha?

Troy: Let me finish the question, okay? A man had fifty apples and thirty-two apples were stolen. Now, of the remaining apples, the man wants to divide them into groups of three, how many groups of apples would there be?

Bart: I dunno, I wasn't listening.

Troy: Just give me an answer, kid!

Bart: 4?

Troy: Sorry, that's the wrong answer, you're off the team.

Bart: (walking away) This game sucked anyway...

Zapp: Now on to Bender's question.

(Zapp walks over to Bender)

Zapp: Bender, here's your question: What...

(Bender's torso compartment pops open, revealing many stolen items)

Troy: Hey, that's my stuff!

Camera man: Hey, that's my stuff!

Audience member: Hey! That's my stuff!

Bender: Um... well, you see, I ... gotta go!

(Bender runs away)

Zapp: Well, I guess he's off Team Planet Express.

Troy: And after this next commercial, we'll be back and find out who the two final remaining people will be.

Zapp: And we'll find out which team is victorious, on...

Audience: "Winning is Everything"!

* * *


	4. Joint Venture

Winning is Everything

Chapter 4: Joint Venture

(At Krustyloo studios, studio #3)

Troy: We're back here with our two teams.

Zapp: It's time to finish eliminating off two more members to from each team.

Troy: Our next question is for Marge on Team Simpson.

(Troy walks over to Marge)

Troy: Now, here's your question, Marge.

Marge: I'm ready!

Troy: Who was the spokesperson for the popular drink Slurm?

Marge: What the...what are you talking about?

Troy: I don't understand it either, but that's all it says here...

Marge: I don't know...

Troy: Well, then you're off of Team Simpson.

(Marge walks away)

Zapp: Now we're on to Amy's question.

(Amy looks up from filing her nails)

Amy: Zuh?

(Zapp walks up to Amy)

Zapp: Who is the spokesperson for the popular beer, Duff Beer?

Amy: Eww, beer! I hate beer! And anyways, I've never heard of Duff!

Zapp: Neither have I...

Amy: Well, I don't know...

Zapp: Okay, you're off Team Planet Express.

(Amy walks away filing her nails)

Troy: It's time for Lisa's question.

(Troy walks over to Lisa)

Troy: In which year were Robots finally sold on the market?

Lisa: Robots aren't made yet!

Troy: Just answer the question, little girl.

Lisa: The year 2012?

Troy: I'm sorry, that's the wrong answer. You're off the team.

(Lisa walks away while mumbling)

Lisa: Stupid show... asking me questions about the future...impossible for me to know...

Zapp: Well, our next question is for... the lovely Leela!

(Zapp walks over to Leela)

Zapp: Leela, here's your question: Will you go out with me after the show?

Leela: No!

Zapp: I'm sorry, but the correct answer is "yes". You're off the team.

(Leela walks away while mumbling)

Leela: Stupid show... having Zapp as a host so he can ask me out...

Troy: Our remaining contestants are Homer representing Team Simpson, and Fry representing Team Planet Express.

Homer and Fry: Woo hoo!

Zapp: You will now go into a sudden-death match.

Homer: But I don't wanna die!

Troy: No, we don't mean you'll literally die, it's a figure of speech.

Zapp: Whoever gets more questions right wins the prize.

Troy: Homer, here's your question. If you get it wrong, Fry has a chance to win. Homer, what year did you an Marge get married?

Homer's brain: Well, I don't know the answer to this one.

Homer: So the answer must be aliens.

Troy: Umm... no...

Zapp: You can win now Fry, if you get the next question right.

Fry: Oh yeah! Go Fry!

Zapp: Your question is: How many eyes does the goddess of beauty, Leela, have?

Fry: Umm... I know I can get this one... hmm... is it three?

Zapp: You don't even know how many eyes you're captain has!

Fry: I guess not...

(After five minutes)

Troy: Are either of you even smart enough to get a question right?

Fry: Apparently not.

Zapp: Well, this show can't go on forever, we have schedules! I guess you both win then.

Homer and Fry: Woo hoo!

Homer: Whadda we win? Whadda we win?

Troy: Umm... nothing. Winning is everything, remember?

Fry: You mean we don't win anything?

Zapp: Nope.

Lisa: You mean we were humiliated for nothing?

Leela: You mean we wasted valuable delivery time to come to the 20th century for nothing?

Troy: Pretty much...

(Team Simpson and Team Planet Express look at each other)

Bart: Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?

Bender: You betcha!

(Everyone lunges at Troy and Zapp)

THE END

* * *


End file.
